I’m fairly confident that part of being a professional writer is making sure your friends know that if they don’t do exactly as you say on the precise timeline you present them with you will just use private correspondence to accomplish your desired journalistic goal.
HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE TO BE SUBJECTED TO THIS MOVIE BEFORE I GET YOUR REVIEW MOLLY? And don’t use that adorable baby or your movie producing as an excuse. So now, without further ado, here is a transcript of a text message review of On The Road….
M: Have you watched On The Road, the worst movie ever made? I’m halfway through and there’s still an hour left.
C: I can’t even bring myself to reread Kerouac, let alone sit though a cinematic rendering performed by children. I think you should probably write a review for TH though.
M: They made Jack Kerouac’s character into a whiny, Carlos Castenada-esque dweeb of a man. And there are all sorts of additional modern threesome sex scenes. Also we get glimpses from a woman’s perspective. I know that was HUGE in the book.
C: Oh, yes. Those guys positively TREASURED a woman’s perspective.
M: All the male characters have a real Gen Y sensitivity. Except the perfectly cast Vigo Mortenson as W. Burroughs. So there you go.
C: Great Review.
M: I’ll see if I can type it up.
C: Please do. I’m seriously fascinated but will never, ever, watch that.
M: It is HORRIBLE.
C: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! No.
(Editors note: I was.) C