Things the internet told me last weekend (Happy Halloween/Meatloaf Edition)

If I had ever manifested evil superpowers I would suppose that my origin story would’ve gone something like this:

Conceived on Halloween upon a grand piano by Meatloaf and Marcia McClain while Jim Stienman looked on, french braiding his hair and chanting over dramatic renderings of Bruce Springsteen songs. They then leave me in a basket empty bucket of fried chicken on my parents doorstep and proceed to all die in a fiery car/motorcycle/speedboat accident before they can grow old and start being embarrassing. (Oh! But before the crash they write I Would Do Anything For Love and somehow make that amazing video so I can still enjoy it in the mid nineties because that was very formative for me.)

My powers of showmanship and spotlight hogging began to show themselves early but it’s not until I get a perm at age 21 that I realize that I can tie a scarf on a mic stand one handed and that, upon hearing that wall of sound drum beat, my heart breaks open and a killing instinct sets in. In one harrowing incident, 10 men perished within the duration of the Ronettes “Be my Baby.”

But I digress! Links?


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